From July 4th, 2010

It is wildly appropriate, though completely unintentional, that my new adventure is beginning on July 4th.  I left ‘home’ for parts South this afternoon, and am finally almost free of the fetters that have kept me from doing what I wanted to do for so long.  I’m celebrating my own freedom as most of our nation marks the day we declared independence and established our own government.  That feels right.  It’s never easy to break away from the life you’ve always known and the way you’ve always done things and carve a new path for yourself, but I believe that ultimately it is valuable.  Each of us, in our own way, gets tied to the familiar, the safe, the devil we know.  All too often we allow fear of the unknowns and “what if”‘s to prevent us from chasing after the dream we hold dearest.  I did that for a long time, and to be honest it has not been easy to make this life change.   Today was both the most exciting day and the hardest one as well.

I drove away today in style, knowing my last days in the states are few indeed.  With the top down and the wind blowing past, it finally started to feel real to me that I’m going to go far away and finally have time to write.  But that reality brought pain and worry with it.  I worry about my baby, my sweet Sera-dog.  She’s my world, but I’m leaving her behind with my mother while I go on a grand adventure.  I tried every idea to be able to bring her with me, but things don’t always go the way we want and she’s staying in Florida.  😦   I’ll miss her more than I miss almost anybody else, and I’ve never left her for so long, so it was painfully sad.  But at the same time, a guilty little part of me is glad to be going so completely free.  I won’t have anyone or anything to look after for the next year.  So, it was with sadness, guilt, and sweet relief all three that I let the top down in my rented Mustang and got on the road today.  By this time tomorrow I will be in Costa Rica and all the life I’ve known will be behind me.

My other worry is less heart wrenching and more stomach churning: how long will my savings last and will I be able to make it to the end of this project before I run out of funds*?  Will I be able to survive in a place so different from my homeland?  Do I know what I’m getting myself into?  Of course I question myself; I’d be inhuman if I didn’t.  But I have faith that I’m doing the right thing.  I believe in the work I’m getting done, and I believe in taking care of myself for a change.  SO:  it’s Independence Day, friends, and I am finally setting myself free.  May each of you find moments of sheer, blissful freedom and know that you deserve it.

*Feel free, at this point, to decide to send me money!

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