Mango tree at the end of my drive

It’s Mango season down here.  You can’t throw a rock without hitting a mango tree, and the trees are  loaded down with fruit.  Mangoes are pretty much my favorite fruit ever, and there’s a massive tree full of them just at the end of my driveway.  Yay!  Right now, though, most of them are green, hard, and sour.  That’s problem number one.

Loaded with mangoes

The second problem is that mangoes are up high, in trees full of spiders and scorpions, and I’m a chicken.  The third problem is that the monkeys are greedy little buggers and you’ll never catch a ripe mango falling from a tree.  The monkeys will get there first.  Sigh.

One bite gone...wasteful monkeys!

What I’ve discovered, however, is that the monkeys are not terribly bright.  They pull off a mango, take a bite, and if it’s too green, toss it down, grab another, and repeat.  The foot of my mango tree is littered with one-bite-missing, hard, green mangoes.  Grrr!  This frustrated the mango lover in me to no end until I realized something:  They also pick and toss some without biting into them!  Plus, they’re howler monkeys.  Do you know how many times I’ve been bitten by howler monkeys working at the wildlife sanctuary?  Seriously…

So, because I can’t stand to see things go to waste, especially the ambrosia that is mangoes, I’ve started lurking at the foot of that mango tree in the late afternoon when the monkeys are in residence.  They drop them, I pick them up.  It’s a beautiful partnership.  I try to collect only ones with no teeth marks, but sometimes I can’t resist a big, green beauty with just a little nibble taken out (I can cut around that part!).

With dozens of hard green mangoes piled on my kitchen counter, I had to decide what to do.  They’re tasty when eaten, but you can’t eat a whole lot of them green before you make yourself sick.  My solution?  Green Mango Salsa!  I love mangoes.  I love salsa.   Put them together, and I’ve basically got a giant bowl of orgasm…that I can eat with a tortilla chip.  Helloooo, gorgeous!

So, I looked up some recipes, remembered my old roommate’s homemade salsa recipe, and started experimenting.  What I ended up with is just this side of heaven.  Feel free to try it out (if you can get to the mangoes before your monkeys do).


Green mangoes, peeled (however many you want)

1 small red onion

2 large, ripe tomatoes

1 medium cucumber (opt.)

1 small can nibblet corn

1 can black beans (drained and rinsed)

2 tbsp cilantro (parsley, if you don’t like cilantro)

2 jalapeno peppers, grated

1 tbsp fresh lime juice (opt.)

1/2 tsp red chili powder (spicy Thai sauce is a good alt. flavor)

1 tsp diced garlic

white pepper & salt to taste


Grate one of the green mangoes as finely as possible.  Dice all the other vegetables/fruit and add to grated mango.  Add canned ingredients and spices.  Mix all ingredients together and refrigerate over night.  Eat.  A lot.

You may worship thank me in the morning.