My whole life got put on hold for nearly 3 months.  Daddy’s death and the aftermath pretty much cancelled all my other plans.  I won’t bemoan it, but suffice it to say I nearly drowned in the details that got left sitting on my shoulders and I set my whole self aside to deal with it.

Gloriously, most all of it is done (there’s still one large boat to sell, if you’re interested …*hint*).  But there’s still a world of unplanned for ick to deal with: the I’m-not-taking-care-of-myself guilt that comes with living with family; anger at the mess Daddy left behind; my younger sister’s sadness; dismay at having set aside my novel for so long; the “what on earth am I doing” uncertainty that afflicts me from time to time; frustration at things not going according to plan; days on end spent pouring over every option looking for a job because now I need one now rather than just soonish, and continued culture aftershocks at being back Stateside.  It’s all natural, but so are a lot of things I don’t want to touch.

I found myself feeling defeated and stressed and unsure how to cope with that, unsure, even, what I needed to deal with first in order to lighten that load.  So I did the only thing I know to do: I took a step back and spent some time doing “nothing” while I processed things.  Then I made some decisions.  I’m not going to spend hours every day scouring websites and newspapers looking for a job.  Two days a week is enough.  That leaves me plenty of time to yoga, study, write, walk, swim, and start to feel good about me again.  I’m going to cut myself a little slack.  I’m going to dive in and really enjoy the class I’m taking.  And I’m going to blog about it all again.  I’ve missed blogging.

Now I can finally start to pick up the strewn-about threads of my own life and go looking for my center again.  I’m getting back into my routines and trying to fight the cookie monster within.  I’m letting go and breathing and, almost miraculously, I am beginning to feel some forward momentum.  Bye-bye circling my own life!

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